Where you hit, and where it cracks – What I feel at 37 years old :)

What I feel at 37 years old. I realized how big the number is, only when I wrote it. But I’m not scared. Rather, I feel liberated. Freed from the world’s opinion, as to who I am or not, from the standards that I have created myself. Now, it seems, I have allowed the quiet to enter me, early enough to say that I have found inner peace, from where I know when it comes and stays forever, ssst … not to frighten it. In other years I was thinking about what I could not do, what I want, what I need. Today I am more zen, I hope to stay.

I realize that I have many projects to finish, others to start, learn, experiment, but today it does not overwhelm me, I just know what I have to do, and that’s all. I know that not everything will work as I think, I know that I will face many challenges, but it does not scare the unknown as much as before. Honestly, I’m just starting to like the fact that I don’t know how things are going to happen.

I’m starting to reconcile with the idea that it doesn’t crack where I hit. I noticed that crack where it should, not where I think it should. We think we know what we want, but I’ve had indications regularly that it’s not the case. I have the impression that the subconscious always puts his tail in the affairs of the conscious, and destroys his plans made according to social norms, integrated in our head during the educational process given by parents, relatives, neighbors, school and so on. And the most interesting thing is that if you do not complaining that did not happen as you wanted, but you adapt the plans to the created situations, something much bigger, better and more beautiful comes out that you wanted from the beginning.

I also noticed that you can make a good decision when you are ready. It sounds like cliché, but that’s how it happens, until you really get  true understanding under your skin, you have neither the ability nor the courage to play big. You’re doing, certainly, but you don’t have the results you want.

I thought that if you have a certain opinion about a thing, it will remain forever and it is not fair to change it. I don’t believe that anymore. It’s normal to find new information, to understand it from other perspectives. You have the right and it is really welcome to adapt your opinion, otherwise you will stagnate.

I also got comfortable with my madness, allowing him from time to time to participate in decision making. It is so much more interesting and cheerful, than keeping it in the dark, so it tan, it takes its vitamin D intake and a mouthful of fresh air.

You begin to understand the meaning of the phrase “you will grow bigger and you will understand”. I thought it was about age and I didn’t have the right to know. No … it was about experience, real, I couldn’t really understand then. We know a lot of information, we can tell them  in the middle of the night, if someone asks us, but it does not mean we understand them. I realize that I still have a lot to grow 🙂

P.S. I said that at 99 years old, I want to go skiing 😀

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